I catch them into my heart

The last time I remember her dozing like this in my arms, she was just a baby.
And today, she came.
She snuggled in.
Curled her little hands into that adorably baby “position.”
And. Fell asleep.

I lie still, not daring to move.
I’m not afraid of waking her.
I’m afraid of breaking a feeling that has returned after so many years.

I remember, four years ago, when she, fully fed, would lower the curtains of her long eyelashes in my arms…
With my mind wandering through fields of urgent tasks, I sometimes decided I could let them wait.
So I wouldn’t put her in the crib when she fell asleep.
Sometimes I’d sit with her curled up in my arms, like a guardian, protecting her sleep.
Even though that sleep had no intention of running away.

Today, I feel like the guardian of sleep again.
I didn’t put her in the crib.
I listen to her breathing.
I watch her fluttering eyelashes.
And it feels like I scoop up and drink the feeling with my hands.

Moms need so little.
We can be full of feelings.
Especially those that should have already grown.
But sometimes, they come back.
Then we grab those wandering feelings into our hearts.
And we sit still, so they can linger a little longer.

With Pa dozing in my arms,
V.