Mostly dedicated to Moms.<\/p>\n
We jumped into 2022 holding illnesses by the arm.
\n\u201cHow you start it\u2014that\u2019s how it will be,\u201d I remember the almost simultaneous sigh my husband and I shared.<\/p>\n
And I wasn\u2019t wrong.<\/p>\n
I remember perfectly how, at the very start of this now nearly finished year, I sat holding my head in my hands, feeling like I was staring up at the Everest of challenges. At the peak, my goal was stamping its feet, shouting at me from the top of its lungs:
\n\u201cV., come on, you can do it!\u201d<\/p>\n
But I didn\u2019t know if I could.
\nHow could anyone know, really, when\u2026<\/p>\n
Ahead of me were wide-eyed, completely \u201cfresh\u201d My, who\u2014drawing on the experience of raising Do and Pa\u2014would, over 2022, learn to:
\nSit.
\nStand.
\nWalk.
\nEat.
\nOpen cupboards.
\nManage their contents.
\nDiscover stairs.<\/p>\n
And make me forget the quiet little kicks on the couch after work.<\/p>\n
Not enough?
\nShe would break every little object I\u2019d placed \u201cjust so.\u201d
\nShe would rearrange the home \u201cadapted for a baby.\u201d
\nAnd remind me that kids get sick at the absolute worst possible moments.<\/p>\n
Still not enough?
\nNext to me, restless, with adolescent hair flowing, was Mister Ego.
\nHow would he survive with My?
\nWould the roof stay on the house for our loved ones?
\nWould there be time for the training he so desperately needed?
\nAnd if not, what would become of this little hooligan?<\/p>\n
Add to that Do and Pa wandering around.
\nAnd the feeling that I couldn\u2019t skimp on attention for them either.
\nAnd layer on top the realization that my plan\u2014
\n\u201cTo calmly push the stroller down the narrow streets of Vilnius Old Town\u201d\u2014wouldn\u2019t happen.
\nAnd that work would demand me no less than when I wasn\u2019t a parent of many\u2026<\/p>\n
I sighed deeply. And once again, looking at the mountain of 2022 before me\u2014with ten (!!) planned collections\u2014I nearly burst into tears thinking:
\nIt\u2019s all too much.
\nI didn\u2019t expect it.
\nI didn\u2019t plan for it.
\nI hoped.
\nI thought I knew\u2026<\/p>\n
In my mind, optimistically exploding thoughts, and in my eyes, tears threatening to burst.<\/p>\n
But.
\nThen, God knows from where\u2026
\nMaybe glancing around.
\nMaybe reading a few fitting books.
\nMaybe watching some \u201cstirring\u201d movies\u2026
\nInside, the lion of \u201cI really can do this!\u201d roared.<\/p>\n
Some days, the roar was quiet, more like a cat purring.
\nSome moments, the inner lion roared with a note that stunned everyone around.<\/p>\n
And now.
\nI descend to the ground, after sending My off to dreamland for the evening nap.
\nI fix my famous decaf.
\nOn the table before me lie ten books documenting the \u201ccompleted\u201d collections of this year.<\/p>\n
I lift one.
\nSo heavy! So sturdy!
\nFor a moment, I close my eyes, unsure what feeling washes over me.
\nSmiling, while a tear rolls down.
\nLike rain with a rainbow stretching across the sky.<\/p>\n
The second-to-last day of 2022.<\/p>\n
Upstairs, peacefully sleeping:
\nMy, who has learned to sit, stand, walk, eat, raid drawers, break misplaced objects.
\nAt her feet, curled up comfortably, sleeps Mister Ego, adolescent hair now neatly combed.<\/p>\n
Last night, I was invited on a date with my husband, whom I fell in love with all over again during these years of enormous challenges.
\nWithout his steady shoulder and his calm, comforting embrace, I would have stumbled far more often in these past twelve months.<\/p>\n
At the countryside, enjoying vacation, are Pa, mid-second grade, and Do, mid-sixth grade.
\nIn my eyes\u2014children full of life\u2019s joy.<\/p>\n
Before me stand the ten books representing all the work accomplished.
\nNot \u201cjust okay.\u201d
\nNot \u201cit\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Was it easy?
\nNo.
\nSometimes it was hellishly hard.
\nThere were many challenges.
\nDisappointments tripped me up.
\nLater, I realized they strengthened and grew me.
\nMistakes threw sticks into the wheels, but now I understand\u2014they taught and guided me.<\/p>\n
There were many painful lessons, which at the time seemed \u201cunfair and wrong.\u201d
\nMany times, the rule was reminded:
\n\u201cDon\u2019t close the door with your foot, because tomorrow you\u2019ll need your hand to open it.\u201d
\nAnd it worked.<\/p>\n
The result at the end of the year?
\nA smile and a tear at the same time.<\/p>\n
It happens?
\nIt does.<\/p>\n
When, on the last day of the year, you sit holding the big accomplishments you\u2019ve achieved, cradling all your loved ones.
\nA feeling overwhelms you: I did it!<\/p>\n
Fear that I would give up sleeps quietly in its winter nap.
\nAnd joy that \u201cV., you can do it!\u201d now roars not just from one lion, but a whole choir of lions.<\/p>\n
The year was \u201cmacni.\u201d
\nUnhookable alone.<\/p>\n
Thanks to my husband. For my happy self.
\nThanks to my children\u2019s grandparents, for giving me the free hands I needed for work and the feeling that My was in the very best and most loving hands.
\nThanks to my sister, for short restorative escapes, after which dimmed eyes would shine again.
\nThanks to my team. Repeating myself tediously.
\nBut.
\nWithout you, I\u2019d just be a person with many wishes and dreams.<\/p>\n
Thank you.
\nAll together, and each of you individually.<\/p>\n
The knowledge that so many good eyes follow me, and hearts beating with sincerity\u2014
\nworks miracles.<\/p>\n
And hands me an invisible magic wand, turning \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d and \u201ctoo hard\u201d into \u201cI can\u201d and \u201ceverything is possible if you want it enough and believe in it wildly.\u201d
\nEven with temporarily \u201cnon-working\u201d free hands.<\/p>\n
I hug.<\/p>\n
Mua,
\nV.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","class_list":["post-17699","istorija","type-istorija","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija\/17699","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/istorija"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17699"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}