Many, many years ago.<\/p>\n
When my firstborn Do was still dancing polkas in my belly, during a visit to the doctor, I met a \u201cfellow fate companion.\u201d
\nI didn\u2019t know her.
\nBut the sight I saw stuck in my memory for a long time.<\/p>\n
The scorching August sun was beating down.
\nAnd in front of me, in the waiting line, sat a heavily pregnant woman\u2026
\nShe was wearing ridiculously oversized men\u2019s slippers, through the front of which peeked what were probably remnants of toenails painted red back at the start of her pregnancy.<\/p>\n
My fate companion was very stout and very dissatisfied with everything.
\nAnd she constantly grumbled at the nearby man, who seemed too timid to even take a deep breath, the owner of those oversized slippers.<\/p>\n
Many years passed.
\nI saw many pregnant women.
\nMost of them I admired.
\nBut still, the image I saw that day\u2026 hung in my memory with the alarm switched on:
\nThat in all the twists and turns of life, in every period\u2026 I would love myself and try to be as composed, \u201cnon-grumbling,\u201d and beautiful as possible.
\nFirst and foremost, for myself.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m realistic.
\nI almost always feel solid ground under my feet.
\nI don\u2019t look for inspiration in the cosmos.
\nAnd if I often tilt my head toward the sky, it\u2019s only to admire its color and vastness.
\nI see a lot of good and beauty around me.
\nI notice much.
\nBut soon I finish flapping my wings of inspiration and land firmly back on the ground.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s how I am everywhere:
\nAt work. In creativity. At home. In raising children.
\nNot an exception in any of life\u2019s \u201chappening\u201d states.<\/p>\n
One of them\u2014recently experienced\u2014was the waiting-for-a-miracle phase.
\nThat\u2019s the romantic name for it.
\nWithout romantic flourishes: a month ago, I was pregnant.
\nHeavily.<\/p>\n
I found out I was expecting the day after the Must Have II photoshoot.
\nAt the time, posing like a peeled-off version of myself for a familiar photographer, I was told I looked suspiciously calm.
\n\u201cAnd you didn\u2019t offer champagne,\u201d Erika smiled, \u201cso what other reason could there be, if not pregnancy, since we always celebrate?\u201d she added.<\/p>\n
But while posing, I didn\u2019t know yet.
\nI only wanted it very, very much.
\nAnd secretly hoped that maybe this month would be THE one.<\/p>\n
I saw the winning two lines in the morning.
\nAt the countryside estate.
\nWe went as four to celebrate the 6th birthday of Pa and check out the estate for the SPRING\/21 photoshoot.
\nA winter weekend morning.
\nCold enough to wrinkle your nose.
\nA freshly lit fireplace crackling warmly.<\/p>\n
And\u2026
\nIn my hands, the second line appeared clearly.<\/p>\n
I still remember that feeling\u2026
\nChildren\u2019s ears and eyes wandering around.
\nAnd my own elephant-sized desire to nestle into my husband\u2019s arms and talk about future plans.
\nBy the crackling fireplace.
\nAll day\u2026
\nUntil the next morning!<\/p>\n
My pregnancy went smoothly.
\nNo nausea.
\nNo collapsing in front of the toilet.
\nNo hospital visits.
\nNo trips to the pathology department.
\nJust regular visits to the doctor, who congratulated me each time I completed another stage of a smooth pregnancy.<\/p>\n
The months went by.
\nThe little resident in my belly grew strong and healthy.
\nHis little fists and kicks became more intense.
\nEvery night I started a commute between bed and toilet.
\nSometimes I counted my \u201cvisits\u201d to the little ones.
\nAlmost always ending up around ten.<\/p>\n
In the last month, I got acquainted with Mr. \u201cUrge-to-Pee.\u201d
\nI began \u201csleeping\u201d in the intervals between trips to the toilet while sitting.<\/p>\n
During pregnancy, I gained 12 kg.
\nFluids increased in the body.
\nIt seemed as if streams bubbling under the skin whispered like tiny rivers.
\nAnd though almost daily I critically surveyed myself and thanked whoever decides these things that I wasn\u2019t swelling\u2026 the heaviness in my legs was strong.<\/p>\n
Especially on those days when, willingly or not, I forgot I was pregnant, and thoughts arose that my body was already too heavy for my legs.
\nThen, plopping onto a pillow, I thought I might need a crane to get to the bed.
\nOr my husband.<\/p>\n
But again, recalling that fate companion with men\u2019s slippers and Christmas-red toenail remnants\u2026 I shook myself by the scruff.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t eat for two.
\nI snuck out of the kitchen late at night, using \u201cthe baby wants it\u201d as an excuse,
\nI didn\u2019t indulge in tempting pastries.
\nI didn\u2019t let my hair down at friend gatherings with cakes.
\nBut I definitely didn\u2019t starve.
\nI ate healthily and fully every day, just bypassing tasty but unnecessary desires.<\/p>\n
Under my heart, I cradled a fairly compact, unstrewn belly with no stretch marks.<\/p>\n
And though until the very last day I dared to snap a selfie and loudly tell you that the combination wasn\u2019t created for expecting miracles, but was perfectly suitable for it\u2026
\nI didn\u2019t feel like a tiny cherry on a cake.<\/p>\n
I experienced three pregnancies.
\nAnd in none of them\u2026
\nDid I feel some glowing radiance.
\nI wasn\u2019t adorned with \u201cbrightened\u201d skin.
\nOr exceptionally shiny hair growing like vines.
\nI wasn\u2019t convinced by people\u2019s comments: \u201cOh, you only have a belly.\u201d<\/p>\n
Because we had scales at home that didn\u2019t compliment.
\nThe growing centimeters and increasingly tighter clothes brought me back to reality just the same.
\nNot just around the belly.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s be honest:
\nPregnancy weight doesn\u2019t only settle on the belly.
\nIt sticks, willingly or not, and adds a \u201csafe\u201d layer to other parts of the body too.<\/p>\n
Logical?
\nMaybe Mother Nature arranged it that way.
\nWould you want to slip with a miracle in your belly?
\nFalling onto a pile of bones or onto softer flesh\u2014there\u2019s a difference.<\/p>\n
Some days I felt like a whale.
\nBetter days\u2014like a whale in water.
\nHarder days\u2014like the same whale, stranded on shore.<\/p>\n
Summing it all up, I can say that all my pregnancies were periods
\nWhen the same old efforts weren\u2019t enough to make me feel beautiful.
\nBut recalling that I wanted to love myself and be beautiful in any period and weather\u2026
\nI didn\u2019t give up.<\/p>\n
I walked and ran a lot.
\nWhen I learned I was expecting, I stopped running.
\nBut I walked more.
\nThrough forests and meadows.
\nClinging to knowledge at arm\u2019s length,
\nBecause fresh air is healthy for both of us.
\nAnd moving my legs\u2014never hurt anyone.<\/p>\n
Halfway through the pregnancy, Mister Ego joined our family.
\nThe excuse for walks doubled.<\/p>\n
The day before the BIG DAY, guided by Ego, I walked our traditional six-kilometer loop,
\nAnd at night, watching the clock, I counted regular contractions.<\/p>\n
During labor, I realized that years of intense walking hadn\u2019t been wasted.<\/p>\n
I went to the beautician. The hairdresser. Manicurist. Masseuse.
\nOnce again, I \u201cfell in love\u201d with the doctor who cared for all my pregnancies, who always repeated:
\n\u201cYou can do everything you did before pregnancy. And nothing that you didn\u2019t do before.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t get arrogant.
\nI didn\u2019t act sick.
\nI didn\u2019t sigh into my husband\u2019s ear: \u201cHow will I show up in a swimsuit this summer if I feel like a whale inside?\u201d<\/p>\n
Every morning after a sleepless night\u2026
\nI dove into the shower.
\nWashed my hair.
\nDid my makeup.
\nDressed up.
\nWithout getting upset that someone was pressing my sides harder than last week.<\/p>\n
I went like a tank for all nine months.
\nNot letting myself fall into the self-justification: \u201cOh, I\u2019m pregnant\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
I went into labor.
\nHappy.
\nSitting on top of the knowledge that today the \u201cstranded whale\u201d period would end.
\nDressed.
\nNot in a festive gown,
\nBut in a cozy \u201clabor uniform.\u201d
\nWith neatly polished nails.
\nMascara on lashes, blush on cheeks.<\/p>\n
And above all in my morning wardrobe, shone the feeling that I was leaving to meet the miracle of life as a happy, self-loving woman.<\/p>\n
That day, I became a MOTHER for the third time.<\/p>\n
V.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","class_list":["post-17648","istorija","type-istorija","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija\/17648","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/istorija"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}