The day before yesterday, I was feeling off.
\nWithout doing anything myself, I felt guilty.
\nWaiting at a red light, another car \u201ctapped\u201d me.
\nI press the hazard lights and step out into the middle of the busy street.
\nCold.
\nRain soaking through linen.
\nA biting wind blowing.
\nAround me, the cars hum impatiently.<\/p>\n
Behind me, a tiny car with a disabled sticker on the window stops.
\nDented like a craft bag, all scratched up so you can\u2019t tell which scratch belongs to this recent bump and which is as old as life itself.
\nAn older man gets out of the well-lived-in car, hazard lights on.
\nNervous but calm.
\nHe crouches by my car, inspecting the damage.
\nTo my female eyes, nothing too serious.
\nOnly some part has fallen off, which I don\u2019t even know where it belongs.
\nI notice his hand running along the back of my car, the same hand with catheter marks patched with gauze and tape.<\/p>\n
\u201cWere you coming from Santari\u0161k\u0117s?\u201d I ask.
\nHe nods:
\n\u201cThey just let me out today.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stand in the middle of the street, watching the man stroking the back of my car, looking at his little car.
\nI see his eyes, giving me a \u201cno big deal\u201d look, and I feel the urge to wish him a calm day, good health, and for us to part ways.
\nBut I know I can\u2019t. I know nothing about cars. I have no idea what part has fallen to the ground\u2026
\nI resist my urge to suggest parting ways and call my husband.
\nWhile waiting for him to arrive\u2026 a passing police car with flashing lights shows up.
\nIt\u2019s a full-blown scene. Out of nowhere.<\/p>\n
I return home, having done nothing,
\nBut with a lump in my throat.
\nAll evening, it \u201cdidn\u2019t drink\u201d or \u201cget eaten,\u201d
\nEven brushing my teeth with toothpaste doesn\u2019t make it go away.<\/p>\n
Carrying that lump in my throat, trying to fall asleep, I remembered a family we helped before Christmas.
\nWishing them happy holidays and leaving them happier, we agreed that if they ever got a winter coat, they should let us know.
\nDuring all this time, no coat came.
\nI only received a notification on December 25 with a sincere holiday greeting.
\nToday, I picked up the phone and decided to call to check how they were doing.<\/p>\n
\u201cBy now, you should already have your benefit; that will be good,\u201d I heard.
\n\u201cAnd now?\u201d I asked.
\nThere was silence on the phone.
\nI safely held the leftover money you donated since Christmas in a box.
\nI didn\u2019t want to be a one-time \u201cSanta,\u201d leaving a bag and driving off until next year. Or forever.
\nI didn\u2019t want to meet them and then forget.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t forget.
\nAfter the silence, I sent money with the note: \u201cFor a hearty dinner.\u201d
\nAnd I felt that only now that strange \u201cbitterness\u201d in my throat went away.<\/p>\n
Lessons in sensitivity float in the air.
\nI thanked wise fate for the delivered bitterness
\nAnd the memory that fluttered in my heart.
\nFor someone, yesterday evening was better and fuller than the one before.<\/p>\n
Small things. Big feelings.<\/p>\n
V.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","class_list":["post-17541","istorija","type-istorija","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija\/17541","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/istorija"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17541"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}